konadad

Hey there,

It’s been awhile… about 3 months, I think.  A lot of factors led up to me taking a leave of absence from this site, but that’s old news.  I’m back to see how everyone is doing and try on my old blogging shoes to decide if I want to do this again.

 Old friends, I hope you’re well.  New people, I hope you find the support here that I have found.  Like I’ve said here before:  It isn’t how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get up.  Never quit.

I may update my situation soon.  Basically, I fell off the wagon back in November.  I gained about 20 pounds over the holidays, then restarted my odyssey in January.  Three weeks ago, after getting a renewed start in my healthy lifestyle, I fell from a ladder while doing some pruning and tore the meniscus in my left knee… we’re waiting to see if I’ll need surgical intervention at this point to fix the tear.  So, I’m in a holding pattern.  Otherwise, life is damned fine. 

Take care all.

I think this was my 3rd mini-goal.  I had set it to mark the 90-lb weight loss mark.

I’m setting the next mini-goal fairly low, because it will commemorate a Big Achievement… 100 lbs lost.  Therefore, my next mini-goal is set t0 340 lbs, which is exactly 100-lbs below my start point of 440 lbs back in April.  That will be the appoximate halfway pont for me.  I’m hoping to get to 240 by May-June of 2009.  That may not be possible, as the pounds are harder to shed all the time, but I have start somewhere, right?

Today’s Goals:

1. Eat Kashi at 9am, green salad + albacore at noon, curried lentils + brown rice at 3-4pm, and stir fry veggies at 7pm.  Serving sizes must stay under 1-1/2 Cups.
2. Snacks can be whenever but are limited to fruits, raw almonds, unsalted popcorn, veggies and hummus, or a slice of hard cheese.
3. Drink 8-10 16oz. glasses of room temperature water, at a minimum.
4. No sweets, simple carbs, extra salts, or empty calories today.
5. 3-5 miles on the elliptical @ Level 10-14 and @ 55-65 rpm.  Should burn between 700-100 calories.
6. 20-30 minutes on upper body strength workout.
7. No snacking after 8pm.

If I maintain this, I expect to see a scale movement tomorrow.  If not, I’ll follow this plan until I do.  100 pound weightloss, here I come.

Preface:   I haven’t blogged in quite awhile.  In fact I haven’t been to this site much in the last month.  Partly that’s due to the ridiculous, petty bickering that was occurring here - it was far to much drama and distracting from the reasons I am here, which is to support and commiserate with others who are trying to lose weight and get physically healthier.  The fallout from that period of squabbling appears (to me, anyway) to include some valued contributors to this site who either no longer post or who have left the site entirely.  That’s shameful.  My buddies list looks like a graveyard of “former” Buddyslim bloggers who have quietly diappeared into the background… some of them I know left during the unpleasantness, others I can surmise did so by looking at the dates when they last blogged or logged on to the site. 

All of this saddens me.  It has demotivated me from contributing here.  I’m going to keep trying, but my interest has been subdued.

 Anyway… 

It’s taken me 5+ months, but the first 90 pounds are gone.  I started at 440 and today I am at 349. 

I’ve accomplished this despite some adverse conditions here at home, in my health, despite the diffculty of changing one’s lifestyle, and despite the fact that it would be SO much easier to settle for less.  It’s required me to change my habits from subconscious to conscious - My subconscious tells me to eat too much, too late, too often, because I’m sad, or mad, or depressed, or happy, or bored.  My conscious tells me to not do those things.  My subconscious tells me to sit on my ass and watch TV, park my car as close to the doors of where I’m going, and to not actively “workout”.  My conscious tells me to get off the sofa, use the elliptical, and park a block away and walk to the damned store. 

My conscious voice is the educated one.  It’s the one that sees me as fat and understands how to get from where I am to where I want to be.  My subconscious voice is the one that tells me that it’s ok to procrastinate on starting a diet or exercising.  It tells me that just one more bite won’t hurt me.  It tells me that a snack of Doritos is not much different than an apple… or that pasta is an alright substitute for brown rice… or that eating at 11pm is ok. 

It’s a constant battle to operate at a conscious level.  It isn’t natural.  My hope is that in time, my conscious thoughts will become so deeply ingrained that they’ll begin to replace my exisiting subconscious thoughts.

My conscious voice has won many of the battles this week.  I have been eating pretty well (maybe a score of 90%) and have been exercising well (again, about 90%).  The result is that I am shedding a pound every 2 days on average.  I could do better, but to get to the next level would require me to operate at a conscious level even more, which I think may be more than I can handle right now.  I have to be realistic.

I am getting a lot more comments about my weight loss, so there’s obviously a change in my look.  My pants are down another size… my waist has dropped a total of 9 inches since I started.  My shirts are down 2 full sizes.  My shoes even fit better, believe it or not.  I have been FAR more active and energetic than I was this time last year… I play soccer with kids, work in the yard, go for walks and bike rides, and quite frankly have damn near worn my lovely wife out. 

Life is good right now. 

Are you on the other side of this equation, peering over the fence??  Having trouble getting things started or keeping things moving once it has started?  Don’t quit.  The ability to change is there with you, right now as you read this.  There is no magic bullet.  There is no trick.  To change it takes desire, a plan, and loads of hard work.  That’s all.  It isn’t a pill or a DVD or even genetics… those may have a place in your plan, but they, by themselves, won’t make you lose weight without the others.  Once you string them together, though, watch out.  The weight will come off.

Last week was better than most of the recent 8 weeks, but still short of my goals.

I lost three pounds, but I had been shooting for 4-6.  I missed because I snacked too much, ate erratic meals (too big, too few, and at the wrong times), drank fair amounts of water but short of what I should have, exercised well on some days, but not at all on a couple.

Overall I’m satisfied with my performance, but I need to do better to recapture the results I was getting three months ago.

This week I am striving to do better than last week.  I want to know at the end of the week that I did everything possible to hit my goals.  I cannot say that today about last week.  I did well, but not great.

Today I’ll do it right, including cardio and strength training.

On another front, I’m starting to get more comments from others.  A few others I haven’t seen lately have commented that I looked as though I’d lost weight.  It shouldn’t, but it makes me feel good to have others notice.

I’ve been asked by many people before today how I manage to lose weight at such a fast clip.

• No, I don’t starve myself.
• No, I don’t eat purely “healthy” foods.
• No, I don’t do a regimented “exercise” for hours each day.
• Yes, I occasionally eat real JUNK, like candy or chips or cheesy pastas.
• Yes, I occasionally skip my exercise regimen for the day just because I don’t feel like it.
• Yes, I sometimes portion my meals poorly or drink too little water during the day.

So how do those things help me to big weight losses?  They don’t, really.  Those are the things that I do when I’m only 80% committed to losing weight. 

You see, I have two phases I go through.  I have one in which I’m 100% committed to losing weight.  During that phase, which can last from a few days to a couple months, I eat healthy foods (heavily weighted by vegetables, fruits and lean protein), portioned properly (about 1-2 cups per meal), evenly distributed throughout the day (4-6 meals per day, starting early and ending by 7-8pm).  I drink loads of water (about 8-10 16oz. glasses per day) and get my heartrate into the “fat burning” zone (75-80% of my maximum heartrate) at least a couple times per day.  I can get my heartrate into that zone (about 120-130 bpm) by walking, riding a bike, swimming, or using an elliptical.  If I do all those things, without slipping, for a period no less than a couple of days straight, it WILL show up on the scale.  If I maintain that “perfection” for days in a row, I can see a weight loss every day for up to about a week… then there’s a period of 2-3 days where my body resists and stays steady.

The second phase I go into is my “80% Commitment ” phase.  During this time, I do everything I just described in the previous paragraph, except I also commit on or more of those things I listed in bullets at the start of this blog.  I may eat simple carbs like pastas, may treat myself to ice cream, or maybe skip exercise for a day or three.  I usually won’t commit ALL of those things in one day (I call that an implosion) but I may do 2 or 3.  During these phases I typically won’t gain any weight, I may lose a little bit, but most likely I’ll hover around the same weight. 

For the last 6-8 weeks I’ve been in this phase.  I’ve been busy with life, troubled with life’s issues, and tired of doing phase one, because it is damned hard to maintain for long stretches.  I did it for 3 months, so I was tired and needed a break.  During the 2 months I was Off my Phase 1 schedule, I lost a total of about 10 pounds, or 5 pounds per month.  Compare that with an average loss of about 25 pounds per month while I was On my phase 1 regimen. 

Three days ago I restarted my phase one regimen.  I’ve once again taken the salty snacks out of my cupboard, resized my meals, started drinking lots of water again, and tried to get a little cardio in early each day to start my metabolism.  Since then, I’ve lost about 4 pounds.  I feel good again.  I feel ready to recommit to another 2 months of agressive Phase 1 Living.  I thought I was ready 3 weeks ago, but I wasn’t.  I resisted by cheating, so I chose to take another two weeks and try again.  Last week I still resisted, but was more aware of the need to restart.  3 days ago I knew I was ready to do it.

Here’s what today is going to be like for me.

• Small breakfast of high fiber (10 grams per serving)  cereal. 
• Walked 2 miles roundtrip from my kids’ school to the grocery store to shop, rather drive the route.
• Fresh Fruit for snack.
• Large Green Salad w/ albacore for lunch.
• Boiled Egg for snack.
• Kashi or Cereal Bar for snack.
• Stirfry and white fish for dinner
• raw almonds for snack
• Water frequently throughtout the day.
• Weights and elliptical after dinner.

If I do these things, like I have the last 3 days, I have faith I’ll lose weight.  If not tomorrow, then the day after.

If I miss this schedule, even by only 1 or 2 things, I’ll likely NOT lose weight… or at least not as quickly.

Right now I’m strong enough to commit to 100%, so right now is the time to act.  Strike while the iron is hot.

This whole lifestyle change started for me back in April of this year.  Well, technically it was March, but I really didn’t start doing anything to change myself until April 21st.  In March I slipped on some wet grass and tore my MCL (medial colateral ligament) in my right knee.  It was an accident that was unavoidable, but the injury happened only because of my weight and my physical condition.  I saw the doctor right away and he said it was a minor tear and that I could recover if I took it easy… and lost weight.

You have to understand what a great primary care doctor I have; he’s the kind of guy that calls me “fat” rather than overweight.  He’s a no bullsh*t kinda guy who calls ‘em like he sees ‘em.  I *love* that about him.  he’s a competetive cyclist who, at 6′2 195, says he is overweight by 10 pounds.

A month after my knee injury, I went in for another checkup.  My knee was improved (maybe about 70%) but I wanted to be sure I was on track.  My doctor noted on that day that in the last month I had lost 12 pounds.  I had gone from 440 pounds to 428 pounds.  I wasn’t dieting; I simply had been walking a little and eating a little better.  The weight loss was coincidence.  I knew that and he knew that.  It was not a cause for celebration because it happened by accident, not due to any efforts of mine.

On that day my doctor shocked me.  He told me he was considering leaving his position at the clinic in favor of a position at the local university as the Director of Student Health.  I was surprised and a bit disappointed.  But what he said next is what really shook me.  When I asked him why he was considering leaving the field of practicing medicine, he said “Because I want to help as many people achieve a healthy lifestyle as possible.  I think college kids are recpetive to that.  I’m finding it harder and harder to come in and treat people like yourself, who have it within them to be healthier, but they resist me.”

I was completely stunned.  He was quitting medicine because of people like me??

He continued, “I’ve been your doctor for 3 years.  In that time I’ve watched your weight climb higher and higher.  I’ve watched your blood pressure climb from normal to high.  I’ve watched as your body has gone from strong to declining.  I’m watching you kill yourself.”

I didn’t know what to say.

He concluded by saying “I’ve watched you try to lose weight once before” (I had tried once before 2 years ago with great success) “and you lost 30 pounds in one month.  I was amazed.  But then you stopped your regimen and the weight all came back.  You don’t realize what a gift you have.  There are people who are overweight who would *kill* to be able to shed pounds like you do, but no matter how hard they try they can’t.”

“You don’t realize how your efforts could affect others.  You don’t see how you could do something that I cannot… you can inspire other overweight people to live a healthier life, and all you have to do to accomplish that is live your own life better.”

I started my “new lifestyle” that afternoon.

I haven’t seen him since that day, but I have an appointment for a couple weeks from now.  I want him to know his words didn’t fall on deaf ears.  I want him to know that he was a catalyst in changing my life.  I want him to know that his work really *does* serve a purpose.

After I got the ball rolling it was easier to find more motivation than my doctor’s critical words.  My family and myself, for starters.  But before that day, even though those same motivators existed, I was in denial.  I didn’t consider everyone else.

If you’re just starting out and having trouble getting motivated, be patient.  Don’t quit.  Finding the right motivation is what dictates the likelihood of you finding success in making lifestyle changes.  They are already there you know.  The reasons.  The reasons are all there.  You just have to be honest with yourself and accept them.

I do most of the cooking for my family.  Maybe 5 out of 7 dinners.

My kids are all very healthy, athletic and active.  None are overweight, but they are pretty tall… what do you expect from a 6′2 man and a 5′10 woman?  Because of this I try to cook healthy, but not necessarily dietetic meals for them.  They get their share of mac and cheese or grilled cheese sandwiches for lunches (spagettios are a popular choice too) but even then I always make sure they fruits, vegetables and grains. 

 For dinners, I happen to be old school:  I believe in family tradions, the meals that we all remember as favorites long after childhood ends… I remember Mom’s specialties, like pot roast w/ yorkshire pudding and authentic beef sukiyaki… that’s the eclectic mix of meals you get when you have one british parent and one japanese parent.  I have fond memories of those meals.  therefore, I tend to make a range of dinners from healthy to not-so-healthy.  I make a mean grilled salmon that the kids love, as well as some wicked braised beef short ribs with pan roasted vegetables. 

Depending on what I make, I frequently find that I have to make two dinners.  one for the family and one for me (and my wife, often, as she likes to eat healthy and likes my spontaneously created healthy meals).  Last night I made japanese curried chicken w/ white rice and asian cucumber salad.  I *love* this dish, as it is one of Mom’s that I remember fondly from childhood.  It is NOT conducive to losing weight however.  In a weight maintenance life, it’s fine, but when I’m actively trying to lose weight it’s a no-no.  It is high in sodium and is served over a bed of rice.  To keep me out of the curry, I made a quicky stirfry that I ate instead… it was good; it had chinese broccoli, onions, scallions, garlic, and chilies.

This week, I’ve made the following dinners: Pork Tonkatsu, spaghetti (which is VERY good if I do say so myself… it simmers for 4-5 hours…mmmm), spiral sliced ham, and then curry.  I was only able to eat with everyone on spaghetti night.  I ate the sauce served over sauteed zucchini.  Ham is too salty, as is the curry, katsudon is *awesome* but it’s deep fried cutlets after all.  I ate three stirfrys and a salad those nights… even on spaghetti night.  I have mastered the 10 minute stirfry dinner.

Living well enough to lose this weight is hard.  It is costly.  I’ve lost the freedom to cavalierly eat what I want when I want.  It’s called sacrifice.  At times it feels like penance.  But I’ll do it.  It’s a right we have to earn back, once we’ve relinquished control of our lives.

The kids just asked me to make my famous chicken enchiladas in green chile sauce.  Man, I love that dish.  the chicken is a mix of white and dark meat, and each roll of tortillas includes chicken, green chiles, black olives, a handful of mexican white cheese, and my secret condiment (a creamy, cheesy concoction of seasonings and herbs).  It is to *die* for… so maybe I better not eat with them.  I think I’ll have a quick and easy fish soup or maybe a salad.  I like salads.

3500 Calories.

If you want to lose a pound, you must burn 3500 more calories than you take in. 

Lets say a person who normally consumes 2000 calories a day is maintaining his weight.  If he then goes on a diet and reduces his food intake to 1500 calories a day he should, theoretically, lose a pound every 7 days. 

(WARNING: MATH!!   2000-1500=500 calories per day deficit… 500 calories divided into 3500 calories to lose a pound= 7 days.)

NOW, let’s say that the person begins exercising each day as well, and gets his heart rate into that “fat burning zone” long enough to burn an extra 500 calories.  This is a burn of 500 calories above and beyond his normal lifestyle, so technically he would lose an additional pound every 7 days.

So this suggests a person who was living a maintenance lifestyle (one where the food/calories he takes in every day equals the calories his body burns every day) who then drops his calorie intake by 500 calories a day and also adds 500 calories per day of additional fat burning exercise,  could feasibly lose 2 pounds per week.

This is obviously simplified a lot; it doesn’t consider the fact that as you lose weight your body needs fewer calories each day, so it gets harder to lose weight.  It also doesn’t consider that as you exercise you improve your body’s health and efficiency such that it takes more (or different) exercise to lose that one pound.  It also doesn’t consider the balance many of us miss in our daily food intake as we diet; we tend to go from a diet of excess, where, by accident, we still manage to get all our needed vitamins, fibers, water, etc., to a diet of sustenance, where we frequently cut back so much that we fail to get all our body’s vital needs… like fiber and water.

Doing the math, it was easy for me to see that I gained weight due to excess.  I ate far too many calories each day.  I’ve discovered since I began this process that some of things I ate (or drank) were killers in a healthy lifestyle.  My favorite lunch when going out with friends was a chinese buffet.  I did the quick math (with my doctor’s help) and figured that a single lunch there, where I ate two plates of food, was equal to about 3500 calories… many of them FAT calories.  I was eating nearly 2X as many calories as I needed for the whole day in only one meal.  I was getting several days worth of my allowed fat calories in that single meal. Wow.

Do you like to eat out at fast food or convenience restaurants?  Do you know the caloric count on their foods?  You should.  Check out this site to see if your favorite establishment is listed… if so check out the calories in your favorite foods.  You’ve been warned!

I have lost over 80 pounds in around 5 months.  That’s around 280,000 calories of better eating and exercising I’ve done in my life since March to lose weight.  It’s easy.  I cut back on intake and boost my output until the scales move.  Yeah, easy… well, except the part where my scale stops moving despite my efforts.  Easy except the part where I have to fight the urge to be lazy or eat like a horse every few days.  Easy except for the fact that just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean anyone else in my life is, so I have to find a way to live healthy at family get-togethers, on the road, at the movies, at 10pm while I’m watching the tube or feeling sad/mad/happy/glad (yes, I’m an emotional eater). 

OK, so it’s hard.  Really, hard.

But it’s worth the fight.  Even if my scale stopped moving, and it has at times, it would still be worth the pain.  Maybe the next pound of fat I was about to gain was going to be the one that stopped my heart.  Maybe the next time I do an hour’s worth of cardio I secretly, quietly reduce my chances of a stroke.  Maybe the next order of fries or slice of pizza was going to be my last.  Too dramatic?  Well maybe the next tiny little slice of apple pie is what pushes your scale UP a pound rather than DOWN. 

The beauty of a great diet/lifestyle is in the details… it’s isn’t whether you eat well 80% of the time, it’s what you do the other 20% of the time.  I lost weight because I fought hard in that “20% of the time.”  I resisted the urges.  I fought the laziness.  It’s hard. for sure.  I cannot do it non-stop for a year… the time I’ll need to lose my weight.  That’s why I shifted to “maintenance” eating exercising last month.  I needed a break for that other 20% of the time… I still had to be good the 80% though.

If you’re fighting hard and having little success getting the scales to budge look hard at yourself.  Are you committed? Or are you there for only 80%? 

Well, I have to go.  I have an extra 400,00 calories that needs addressing.  That’s a lot of working out out and good eating.

OK, so I’m sure some of you think, “81 pounds? You obviously must see the results!”

Keep in mind how my brain (and likely a few others out there) works… I am HARD on myself.  I am uber-critical on myself for how I look, how I feel, how my clothes fit, and other aspects of my life negatively impacted by the weight that I have gained over the years.  I’m more critical of myself NOW, as I actively try to shed the pounds, than I was BEFORE, when I was stuffing my face and ignoring my declining health.

So when I lost 10 pounds, I saw NO change.

Same goes for 20-30-40 pounds.

OK, that isn’t entirely true.  I saw that my clothes were looser a bit and my cardio health was definitely better due to workouts I was doing.  But I still couldn’t stand to look in the mirror… I hated seeing pictures of myself or passing my reflection in store windows.  It wasn’t about the weight loss… it was all about what I could STILL see.  A fat guy.  A guy who is fat because he was weak and because he had done this to himself.  I don’t have a glandular problem or some other reason outside my control for my excess weight.  I am fat because I chose food to disguise my problems.  I could have easily chosen booze, drugs, cigarettes, sex, shopping, or some other “vice” with which to hide my pain, but I chose food.  God, I loved food.  It made me happy when I was sad, funny when I felt angry, comforted when I was lonely.  Food was my my best friend.  Food came before my wife, my kids, my health and my aspirations.  It was an ugly, one-sided relationship that has likely already shaved years off my life, and easily could have killed me in my tracks had I not arrested it’s growth in my life.  Sure, food felt good; but it was trying to kill me slowly and surely.

Now, 81 pounds down, I am seeing some results.  Yeah, yeah, my pants are smaller (by about 8-9″) and my shirts are looser (from a 5XL to a 2-3XL), but those aren’t the results I see…

I see a guy fighting to live; a guy fighting to reclaim his life.  I’m starting to see the man my wife married.  I’m starting to see the guy who will go swimming with his kids without embarrassment and who can ride any amusement park ride without fear that the safety harnesses won’t fit.  I’m starting to see the guy who gives a damn whether he lives.

I’m a lucky, lucky man.  I married a woman who saw all this in me despite my weight; despite my efforts to the contrary. 

This blog is for her, to say thanks.  In honor of her commitment to me over all these years, I vow to never quit again.

Maybe the Summer weather has all my buddies wrapped up having fun.

Maybe the heat has thrown everyone off the healthy living wagon, either temporarily or (gasp!) for good.

Maybe some have achieved their goals and have moved on in life.

I really don’t know.  But I DO know that the names and faces appearing on the “Blogs” page are looking less and less familiar to me.  Some of those I had grown accustomed to seeing blog (anywhere from once a week to several times per day)  seem to have vanished.  That’s sad.

I disappeared too.  I was cooking right along on a very rigid program that had the weight coming off easily.  I ate smart and I worked out.  I drank water like a fiend and made lots of sacrifices.  Starting around the beginning of July I became too distracted with life and simply didn’t WANT to focus all my energies into my Program anymore.  I didn’t fall off the wagon entirely; I still ate better than I had been and tried to stay active.  But I shaved the corners off my entire regimen…. I ate some junk food, I drank less water, and I ceased exercising for the sake of exercising.

The bad news is that I killed the pounds-shedding momentum I had early on.

The good news is that I still managed my weight… I’ve still lost 15 pounds since the start of July.  There have been no periods where I gained…  at each weigh-in I either held steady or lost a bit.   More good news is that I managed to do this while dealing with the crises of life.  Still more good news is that I am starting to feel motivated again.  Two days ago, I started eating and drinking like a champion again.  I’m slowly getting back on the horse.  In two days I’m starting to lose weight again.  Down about 1.5 pounds since Wednesday.  I’m starting to feel the fire.  I’m ready to rock again.

Here’s my goal, stated aloud, in print, for everyone else to see.

“I will lose 23 pounds (making a total of 100 pounds since I started in March) in the next 30 days.”

Any buddies, old or new, that want to go with me?  I want others to take this ride.  It’s commitment time.  It’s time to kick some ass.

What are YOU willing to commit to?  Make a commitment.  ANY commitment.  Commit to work out 30 minutes minimum each and every day for 30 days.  Commit to drinking 8 BIG glasses of water each and every day for a month.  Commit to NOT eating ANY empty junk-food calories for that entire 4 weeks.  Commit to eating no single meal larger than an apple.  Commit to never eating anything within 3 hours of bedtime.  I’m going to do ALL of those things and a few more. 

C’mon, do it.  Just commit.

(Now, please excuse me while I go apologize to the folks I promised to join in a walking challenge then dropped out.  I also have some buddies I need to check in on.)